yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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