i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize