Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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