That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
