oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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