I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
