Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
