Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
