How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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