I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
