Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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