he thought i was a dude.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
