Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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