her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize