I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
