you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your penis caused this!
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