Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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