I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
did i just pee glitter
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
