A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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