I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
