It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
