I want to have your abortion
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize