I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
