1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
