I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
