Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A bitchslap is in order.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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