after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
