Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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