I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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