Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
