Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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