So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
