I want to stick my p in your. b.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
