ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize