if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
