just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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