I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
