I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
