Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
