I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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