i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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