when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
