My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
