dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
