Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
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Do I have a choice?
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
