Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
