is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
