Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
