who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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