True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
