Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to sanitize my soul.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
