I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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