Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
