I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
