Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
