why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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