i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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