Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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