why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
organizing the empties. That sober.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
