Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
