Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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